Gianna Maria

I have that feeling that when we do see each other again we will start talking and such, which is why I really don’t want you to be in my three hour class. Granted I know for a fact that when I see you, your face is going to turn bright red and will probably try to ignore me since I’ve blocked you from my phone and from Facebook…but I really feel like explaining to you why I got so pissed. I know for a fact that you definitely think I’m mad because of the last conversation we had..but obviously it’s about much more than that. I honestly think that you stopped talking to me because you were threatened by Colin..just because I told him to come over my house on Facebook. Because literally a day or two later you ended it…and we were perfectly fine before that. You said I was the kind of girl that made you want to be a nice guy for. And honestly, I think you meant it at the time because I had to beat it out of you because you were too afraid to say it because it felt cheesy. The thing that sucks is that I remember the times you were really sweet and when you seemed vulnerable. Practically no one sees that side of you, which is why people don’t get why I’m not 100% over it. I felt really special for getting to see that side of you, because I knew many people didn’t get to see it and I knew that it was sincere because you would be so shy about it…and you’re not one to be mushy..let alone pretend. I think that I just feel bad for you now. Because I know that you really want someone to care about but you’re so god damn afraid to get hurt. Well so am I but..I don’t know. Maybe that’s why we couldn’t work out. We were too god damn afraid. I don’t know why you would tell people I was a ‘hook-up’ when it happened like 6 months ago and we only made out twice. And to brag about it..honey…I’m nothing to brag about. I’m the quiet commuter girl that no one notices. And I always felt like you were holding back. That there was more going on in your mind that you wouldn’t share with me. It’s like I got through more layers than other people have..but there was still a few that you wouldn’t let me in to. It’s just the fact that I know I still make you nervous is what bothers me. I wish you would tell me the real reason for why you wanted to stop talking…and the reason why you wanted to start talking again. I don’t know. I’ll probably get over you, well I know I will, but it just sucks.i guess I’m just morning over it since I don’t have anyone else to occupy my thoughts. I really want to talk to you, but I’m going to have to wait about four months. And that’s if I even go to Marywood next semester. If I don’t..well I guess it’s goodbye. I know I’ll never see you again in that case. I hate leaving things on bad terms. I shouldn’t because you started all of this mess..but that’s just the way I am. Just like anyone else who I still don’t talk to. Maybe that’s just how it’s supposed to be. I just miss you I guess. Maybe I just need to miss someone because I feel lonely, which is more than likely the case.